Sunrise over the Caribbean, where my husband and I honeymooned

Monday, May 10, 2010

Ready, Set, ACTION!

Had a light-bulb moment the other day while catching up on my recorded shows (love my DVR). I was watching Oprah; A live special for the 10th anniversary of O Magazine. She had her "Dream Team" on which consisted of Dr. Phil, who shaved off his mustache on live tv; Susie Orman, who's voice I consider to be a personal pet peeve; Nate Berkus who is welcome to decorate my world any day and Dr. Oz, who is a pretty stinkin' smart feller!

Oprah had her dream team reflect on the articles they wrote for her 10th anniversary addition of 'O'. The articles talked about the 10 things they knew for sure. When Oprah asked Dr. Oz what the top thing he knew for sure was he said that motivation comes from action! He always hears people say "If I could just find the motivation to do this or that....."

But what he knows for sure is that you have to take action. Start doing this and that and the motivation to continue doing it will follow!


How true is THAT????

Don't we all have things on our "TO DO" list that we are waiting for the motivation to accomplish? I mean don't get me wrong, I know sometimes you have to be in the mood to do certain things.

Like cleaning toilets for instance. Not something where "action" gets you excited for next time. But like exercise........
The hardest part for me is making the decision to go and then putting my sneakers on. After those two things, it's cake. And then if you keep it up, even if you don't want to, suddenly it starts to become a habit. Suddenly you feel better. you have more confidence. maybe you're even dropping a couple pounds. And VWA...LAA! Motivation has suddenly landed at your doorstep.

It's not magic.

It doesn't come natural.

Motivation comes from ACTION!

Friday, May 7, 2010

And so pre-puberty begins....

I watched my son walk down the trail from school toward my awaiting mom mobile as I have done hundreds of times over the years. But this time was different. In his hands was a small book that he flipped through as he walked. He wore a somewhat foreign grin on his face; a look I have not seen yet in the 11 years of being this boys mother.

He gets in the car and his foreign grin morphed into something even more foreign and almost scary. An expression that showed a mixture of playful, vicious, tricky, curious and Shrek Donkey like! Or maybe that donkey on Hee-Haa.

Just wierd....

So I say, "What's up? How was your day?"

He flashes a page of his little book at me.

An illustrated picture of a male body.

Side view....



Oh boy.

This explains the expression on my boy's face. Discover your body day at school.

Before I go on, I must say that my son and I have already had the age appropriate discussion about body parts and sex. I am proud of the relationship we have and his comfort level with talking to me about things. I try my very best to keep the lines of communication open and not look or act shocked when he says things like.....

"We learned about ejaculation and wet dreams today. Those are two things you never told me about Mom..."

Talk about a kid making his mother blush!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
50 shades of red in like a mili-second....

I very quickly reminded myself that I want my son to be able to talk to me about anything and to act shocked in this moment will only embarrass him and make him reluctant to feel free to discuss whatever is on his mind.

"Well Tyler, thank goodness for school because they can teach you things I may forget to mention." I say.

But what I am really thinking is "Isn't the fact that I answered your question about masturbation 6 months ago good enough to cover me for the next century???!!!!"

So I listened with an open mind as he talked about his male parts and what they do and about male hygiene and how it's time for him to start wearing deodorant. He shows me the little sample they gave him in his "Discover your body" gift bag.

Old spice.

Why? Oh why....did it have to be old spice? I'd hate to be the teacher in the 5th grade classroom today after all those little boys put on Grandpa pit juice.

Anyway, I think I did pretty well listening and responding to my son, even though I was mortified and quite uncomfortable, I don't think it showed. The common phrase I use with my son is:

"Information is not Permission." (I think I'll patent that!)

So this helps me get through really tough questions, like the one about masturbation. But nothing could prepare a mother for being asked a question like the one which ended last nights discussion...

"Mom, ejaculation is what boys do. But girls do something similar, it's called an orgasm right? But how does that happen when they just kind of lay there?"

I told him we would revisit that question at a WAY later date.

WAY, WAY, WAY later................

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

the Universe wants me to have a biscuit

I believe in the law of attraction; What you think about, comes about. Recently I went out to breakfast and ordered the wrong thing. I got pancakes. As I walked out of the diner my eyes landed on a plate of biscuits and gravy. It's the favorite I always forget about. I was disappointed that I hadn't ordered it myself and too stuffed on pancakes to even think about round two. So I left...biscuit-less.

Since that morning, visions of fluffy buttery biscuits have danced in my head. Driving down the street I passed a McDonalds and in the same way Homer Simpson says "MMMMM, Donuts," I loudly and proudly pronounced, "MMMMMM, Biscuits." They're good there. You know where else they're good? KFC. dip em' in a little mashed potato gravy....Yum.

It has been a long ass time since I've had a biscuit.

A biscuit almost slapped me in the face at the supermarket yesterday.

I was talking with a friend last night, just bull-shitting about this and that when suddenly she is describing in detail what she made for desert the night before. Strawberry shortcake. Not made with Angel food or pound cake....but with biscuits. I let her describe to me how big they were. I listened as she told me that each biscuit had 10 grams of saturated fat. As bad as that is, all I could do was drool as I visualized a glob of melted butter and perhaps some sugar full grape jelly on top.

Can't you just taste it? I can.

I can feel the saturated fat dripping down my chin....

I get to the office this morning and I am greeted by my coworker and friend Elizabeth. We were chatting about last night dinner. I made meatloaf and squash. She made chicken and completed the meal with a leftover BISCUIT!

I got goosebumps...

She had me at biscuit....

The Universe is speaking to me loud and clear.

I am just waiting for a big ol' biscuit to come walking through my door any minute.

And I'm gonna eat it.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Ya ya sisters gone bad??

I woke up at 3:00 am and was unable to fall back to sleep. I was in “think” mode. I was thinking about my friends and how different we all are. I was thinking of the group dynamic and how it has changed over the years; how I've changed. I thought about the Ya Ya Sisters Movie, an Episode of Desperate Housewives and about going to my son's middle school orientation...yep, a little scattered brained, I know, but most of my thoughts in the whee hours of this morning were about my friends. I wondered about other ya ya groups of friends and how they compare in relation to mine.

I think that a lot of women are going to be able to relate to this, especially if you have a group of crazy people friends like I do, but here it goes….the diverse list of friends I think we all have, or have had at one time or another in our lives.....

She’s got a college degree, a full time job, a husband and little kids. She goes to church on Sunday, hosts elaborate parties for her extended family and teaches an art class twice a week. She plans vacations, makes dinner every night, reads night time stories to her babies and still managers to give it up to her horny husband at least once a day! She lets loose about once a month with a bottle of wine and a marlboro red (hey, I said she was an over-achiever, not a Saint). Conversations with her are always meaningful and motivating, but often include loud child like noises in the background.

She’s the stay at home Mom who’s house is modest but clean and adorable. She is a dedicated wife and mother. She hosts every holiday with yummy dishes made from scratch without a recipe. She’s loud and amusing but it’s not too often you’ll hear her swear. Conversations with her are good for your spirit and always end with her saying "Love You!"

This is the go to girl. If you need anything at all, you go to her. Need a dog sitter or someone to watch your kids? Need someone to coordinate a party or provide a helping hand? Need to simply vent to someone who will agree with what you say? The go to girl! She’s single and available. In the mood for a spur of the moment happy hour? She’s your girl. She’s always got a good joke and has a really big heart. Often spreading herself too thin, I personally feel protective of this one. Sometimes people who are everyone’s best friend get taken advantage of. Of course not by me. Conversations with her are endless, deep and full of laughter.

She’s got fake boobs and you’ve never seen her without a man in her life. In fact, she overlaps them; Can’t dump one until she finds another. She thinks jealousy is some form of love and thinks giving a blow job can end any fight (well I guess it would). She’s self defined selfish, but been through some rough times. Hard to hate her, hard to love her, but she’s fun to party with. Conversations with her consist of drunken memories, what she’s NOT getting out of her man and advice she asks for but never takes.

Shit who am I kidding? There’s a little bit of this girl in all of us.

In the beginning she annoys you because she’s your friends little sister. Too young to play with the big girls! She just wanted to hang out because we were so cool, but too cool for her! After awhile she becomes the little sister we want to protect and then before long, we’re suddenly annoying her because she turns out to be so hip, modern and cool that we want to be just like her! Conversations with her simply make you feel young again.

Her interests become obsessions real quick. She's the friend that starts a diet and suddenly knows everything about calorie counting and wants you to know it as well. She gets a dog and suddenly is a certified trainer. She renovates a kitchen and has to talk about the details and product quality for 3 hours straight. She takes up golfing and suddenly feels the need to give Tiger some pointers. Conversations with her are mostly one sided.

She disappears from the face of the Earth. We worry…. She returns. We forgive.
The end.

We all have a friend that just exudes beauty and grace. She’s gorgeous, but not vein. She speaks motivating words and lives an inspiring life. She’s educated, grateful, somewhat secluded and has a free spirit. You don’t see her often, but the times you do are fun and memorable. She’s got her quirks, but even her quirks are cool. Conversations with her are sexual. (just kidding)

You know the one! You can tell the exact moment she’s had one too many. And it isn’t because she just tried to make out with your husband. That's her normal, but it’s when she gets that look. The look that makes you say “oh shit. Here we go.” You can see it in her eyes she’s going to blow! You say one wrong thing and her head is gonna spin around 360 degrees while she spits pea soup from her possessed mouth. Your only choice is to stay far far away or to knock her drunk a++ out. Conversations with her are impossible.

The new girl; The girl from the country. Doesn’t drink much or do any drugs…ever. Sensitive yet strong. Devoted wife who pretends her husband rules the roost, but I know when it comes down to it, she’s really in charge! She volunteers more time in a week to charity then I do in several months! She never forgets a greeting card on any special occasion and has a skill for listening. She’s a coupon cuttin’, Bible fearing homemaker with a southern drawl and a heart of gold. Conversations with her are refreshing!

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned…..
Ok, so those are lyrics from a Natasha Bedingfield song…. you caught me.
But seriously, in my continuous effort for seeking self awareness, I have become a thinker; an analyst and somewhat of a critic as you can plainly see. One thing I have always been proud of is my network of friends. I love my girls. I just want to be clear on that. But I seem to be seeing them different lately. I have this thirst to know myself better which has led me to craving a clearer knowledge of those who I associate with.
Am I judging my friends or am I seeking my own truth through analyzing them?

I can say this, every single person I call "friend" has something very special in the depth of their spirit. Every single person I have chosen as a friend has made me laugh until my face hurts on several occasions. No one is perfect and as I write this I realize that it is not about them, the things I seem to be picking apart…it is about me and what I am able to accept and look past. It is about friendship and love, conflict and resolution. It is about learning through interaction with people that will only help me in my journey towards awareness.
I will pick my battles and not bother with that which I cannot change, but focus on changing what I can, like the bad drunk who tries to make out with my husband!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

NOT a wimpy kid!

My son inherited my passion for the written word and my love of the outdoors. Just look at him...sitting in a tree reading one of his favorite books....

Part of Tyler's 5th grade homework is to read for half an hour every day. Thank God he loves to read, but the simple fact that it is homework, makes him push it off to the last minutes of the day. Except for yesterday. I was just about to call Tyler in to do his homework when I caught a glimpse of him through the kitchen window walking through the yard with a book in his hand. I wasn't sure where he was headed but I watched him make his way to his favorite climbing tree in the backyard and I knew what he was planning to do so I grabbed my camera. Look at him! He is just so stinkin' cute! What a priceless moment to watch your kid seek out his own private refuge away from the world to get lost in a good book.

Actually, I hope it's a good book. I've never read it. I certainly hope, judging by the title alone, that it has no real significance in Tyler's life. The book is called A Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Should I be scared?

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Old Faithful

I'd like to start by saying that doofy is not a least not in the Webster dictionary, but it will remain in my personal vocab.

With that being said.............

Wow.... I seemed to have lost my blogging motivation there for a little while. Bloggers Block caused by massive hormonal changes in my bod! I recently had a 5 year IUD removed and went on a birth control pill called Seasonale. I will only get my period 4 times a year! Sounded fantastic to me considering my disorder with premenstrual problems. BUT in the meantime, as my body is attempting to adjust to the hormonal changes, I have been an emotional wreck. For a couple of weeks I haven't been able to control my feelings at all! I have felt sadness, anger, extreme excitement, happiness, anxiety, lack of interest in sex, disappointment, fatigue and just overall NUTS!

But I am happy to report that I kept consistent with physical activity and I also kept the faith in "this too shall pass." And it has, for now. The last couple of days have been better and today I actually feel pretty great.

Being a person of deep constant thought, of course I am kicking around ideas as to why the difference in attitude from a week ago to present day. I want to know the why's and how's so I can work through this if it happens again! I think I've gained some clarity....

The obvious reason number one....

"Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, please shine down on me!!!!" The sun was brightly shining for 4 whole days! There is something to be said about the power of the sunshine and how it can elevate your mood! I suppose I am not the first person to make this revelation. Someone somewhere along the line figured out that there was such a thing as Winter Blues which ultimately is caused by lack of vitamin D that comes from sunshine!!!!! I love the spring and the warmth the sun brings to my body and soul! Vitamin D me baby!

Better mood reason number two... Old Faithful. I think my body was in PMS mode, even though I am not suppose to have a period this month, my body has been trained and molded over the years to go postal....I mean premenstrual twelve times a year....FAITHFULLY. Trying to groom Old Faithful to go off 8 less times a year is going to have it's challenges. Big time. The good news here for me is PMS has subsided, I never had an actual period (Old Faithful didn't explode) and I got ME back for the time being.

Better mood reason number three... I make me laugh! Almost daily, but that stopped for a teeny weeny moment in time (did I mention PMS, hormone changes and lack of sunshine?).

Yesterday I went to the dentist. After the hygienist was finished cleaning my teeth and swelling my gums she asked me what color toothbrush I wanted. I said,

"Oh, I dunno, maybe a girlie color since I live with two boys."

From behind me I hear the voice of my dentist (who is a big burly man) say,
"What do you consider girlie colors?"

Mind you, I am still reclined in the chair and he is behind me; I cannot see him.

"Oh, like red or purple or pink....something like that."

"I have red." The hygienist says, in a voice that wasn't as bubbly as it was before.

"Ok red is good." I say. "My favorite color is blue, but Tyler's toothbrush is blue and........."

I am suddenly silenced as my dentist approaches to do his check up on my teeth.

He is wearing a pink shirt.


What else could I do but laugh? I forgot that it is cool for guys to wear pink now. I didn't even attempt to redeem myself. I just laughed and let him do his thing in my mouth (get your mind out of the gutter, did I mention he was wearing pink..), hoping and praying that he had not taken offense to me calling him girlie.

I have laughed about this story several times already thus confirming....
laughter is the best medicine of all!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Tall Girl = Bad Posture

I have bad posture. Not sure the exact reasons why but I've boiled it down to two....

Reason #1. I am a 5 feet 11 inch tall amazon woman. As a kid, I towered over everyone, even the boys. I thought that slouching somehow would make me appear shorter but instead it just made me look doofier. Is doofy a word because I want it to be, but it's being underlined in red?


Reason #2. I have larger breasts that, after child birth, hang lower than they naturally should. I have to wear bras that hold them up and hurt my shoulders. In fact, my shoulders have canyon size divots in them from years of old lady bra abuse. Holding my shoulders back means lifting those puppies up and that's challenging at times!

Now that I am an adult, I am no longer ashamed of my height, but years of slouching has taken its toll on my body. Good posture is extremely difficult for me to maintain, no matter how hard I try.

"Chin up, Chest Out....Shoulders back..."

Lasts about 5 minutes before I am back in doof-land.

So I'm watching "Biggest Loser" the other night and one of the trainers was talking about desk jobs.

I have a desk job.

He said that people with desk jobs especially have to make time to move and work on their bodies. He said desk jobs where you sit in front of computer all day (That's ME!) are the worst for your posture!


He said there is hope for us desk job doofers though....

His advice:

Keep a resistance band at your desk...


Sit on an exercise ball!

He said that sitting on an exercise ball immediately engages your abs and makes you sit up straight.

YEEEEEE- HAAAAAAAA! That sounds fun! And I actually have one of those! I am sold! So I asked my husband to blow up the ball for me and I took it to work the next day and I sat on it. Yes I did. I am not lying.

Mr. Trainer Boy was right. It does engage your abs and it does make you sit up straight. But what he didn't say is that sitting on the ball would trigger our inner child and our natural born instinct to BOUNCE!!!!!

And bounce I did. All day long.....

Bounced until the words on my computer screen were blurring and making me dizzy...

Bounced until my bra became a sling shot...

Bounced until I forgot I was bouncing...

Bounced while speaking to my boss who said and I quote...

"What the hell are you doing?"

He couldn't see the bouncy ball I was sitting on from where he was so I showed him and gave him a look like "Hello? Haven't you ever seen anyone sitting on one of these before?"

Boing, boing, boing..... "Better Posture" I say....boing, boing, boing

He wasn't surprised because I've done dorkier he rolled his eyes and walked away unamused.

Ultimately, the exercise ball defeated it's purpose for me. I sat on it with the intention of correcting my posture problems. But instead, I bounced my saggy breasts right out of their holding cups and blackened my eyes! Ha! I am just kidding.

But seriously, I cannot sit on that thing and not bounce. It's impossible. Go ahead, try it if you want....

So for now, I've given up the exercise ball as an office chair....

I'll keep practicing good posture though....

"Chin up, Chest out, Shoulders back"

In the meantime I'm checking Webster's Dictionary to see if doofy is a word.